Day 97

Wow... Weird day to say the least. I have been told there is no woman like me, called exquisite and bunch of other flattering adjectives. Although the circumstances and situation was one which will go down in the history books as strange even for my life, it did lift the suffocating, stifling boredom for a few moments.

Day 96

Gift from a friend to prepare me for my second novel waiting inside the door on the floor when I arrived home.

Also, only another four days left of this...

Day 95

My friend turning to me to moan. I know that might not seem like a "happy" thing but it makes me happy that she comes to me with her stuff. Also 25 minutes alone in the sun with a book at lunchtime - bliss.

Day 94

Time to sleep.

Day 93

Oh were to start?

A day out with some of my girls. A new laptop. Flirting. Flirting. And then some more flirting. Hysterical laughing. And some flirting. Bubbly, cocktails, wine. Food. What's there not to be happy about?

Day 92

Two hour workout.
Catch-up over dinner with friend.

Day 91

This is Jacob. He's a fierce, dangerous shark who lives in a puddle which is two inches deep. He just ate a professor, which is why his teeth are bloody, and had an allergic reaction, which is why he's covered in pink and purple spots. I did this as I came in to work this morning. It made me happy.

Day 90

Day 89

Impromptu drinks. New friend. Sunshine and heat. Fantastic ideas for next novel. Excited to start writing. Planning of potential trip to NY.

Still missing my previous almost constant companion. So sad that he is disappearing into the past (counting the days even). I want to text him; ask him if he wants to do this and that, see this play, go there for a drink - but it's no longer possible. Hopeful the missing and sad will soon subside and a replacement of the same value/calibre (entertainment/intellectual/connection) will appear from somewhere.

But at least this doesn't discolour my other happy moments completely. And there is happiness in the bitter sweetness of the moments that are no more.

Day 88

Lunch in the sun.
A little unexpected flirting.
Running into one of my favorite Greek boys as I dragged my feet home.

Day 87

Pret's yogurt covered cranberries. And that I could cheer up a friend in need of some cheering. And that I get to go lie on my bed for the rest of the evening and read a book.

Day 86

More sunshine. Returning home. Rain.

Day 85

West Country. Sunshine. Ice cream. Food. People. Countryside. Gin.

Day 84

Day off. Meeting an old friend for lunch. Getting out of town.

Day 83

Lunch with UP. Dinner with Sara and her mom.

Day 82

Cold latte and Canadian biscuits.

Day 81

Hearing someone's voice. And someone's laughter in response to my sarcastic joke.

Day 80

Fuck knows. The fact that I have almost finished these bastards minutes?

Day 79

(Forgot to post yesterday.)

A long chat with my BoS.

Day 78

Not very exciting happiness today but I have finally made the decision to put my flat back on the market and just the small act of making a decision, one way or the other, has made me happy.

Day 77

So, despite all, maybe I am (still) a tiny bit in love. Because you can't "hate" (get so annoyed with) someone so much without there being a little speck of love somewhere. And yes, that makes me a little happy, to be a little in love (still). I don't want anything else, don't want anything to actually happen. Because then what I'm feeling, and our relationship, would have to change. And I don't want that. I want to be in love with him in silence.

Also, saw my Brother-Of-Sorts = Happy.

Day 76

Today I'm a little sad that someone who for 7-8 months was so firmly in the middle of my life is no longer a part of it. I have enjoyed having this person as a constant. Sure, for a moment I allowed myself to be seduced by the possibility and think I was half in love with him, but that was my head's response to other issues and it was quickly straightened out. 

But he has continued to disappoint me, and particularly so since March. We've had some nice days. Still, as soon as our time together is over he's out of my life and I don't hear from him until I make contact next. It is clear we don't have the same view of our friendship - I thought we were real friends; he clearly doesn't. That makes me sad too. 

So, despite being a little sad my happy today comes from the fact that he is no longer a part of my life and I don't care any more. 

Guess I have to find a new drinking buddy now though as without him by my side, my visits to the pub has reduced from once a week to once a month. And that is something that doesn't make me happy.  

Day 75

Nu jävlar. I'm declaring war. From now on I will starve and over-exercise my body back into the size it's supposed to be. Back into my clothes. I don't care if I die on the way there. This decision makes me very happy.

Day 74

I started reading a new book which is very good so far. That is all.

Day 73

I resisted the temptation.

Day 72

Sent off the entire novel to friend for feedback. Nine days on still can't quite get over that I've actually written a novel. The temptation to just dump it at times was overwhelming but so glad, so happy, I stuck with it. Whatever happens next, with the novel and in general, this is a massive achievement, a great milestone, something to be proud of. It makes me happy.

Day 71

Visiting friends in their new amazing house.

Day 70

Day 69

I'm happy with my decision to remove a certain person from my life. More persons to follow. And also, happy to be home!

Day 68

Colleague took me out for bubbles and dinner

Day 67

Friends